Some funnies ....

[XH558]

I made my girlfriends dreams come true and married her in a castle. You wouldn't have thought it though from the miserable look on her face as we were bouncing around!

After having sex with Kylie Minogue yesterday I think there are 2 things you all need to know. She really is as sexy as hell, secondly the staff at Madam Tussauds are miserable bastards with no sense of humour!!

Took the other half to a Disco last night. There was a bloke on the dance floor giving it large, breakdancing, backflips, moonwalking the works. Other half says "That guy proposed to me 20 years ago and I turned him down" I replied "Looks like he is still celebrating"

The Queens Royal Corgis are delighted to see Prince Phillip back at The Palace as they will no longer be blamed for peeing on the sofa!

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse';s outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman';s uniform, he finally decided if she can';t hold down a job, she';s not for him

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day apparently, ';A meal for two with a terrible view'; isn';t the best way to announce the number 69

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will ave to go home, I';ve come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner."

After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic';s swimming pool was still full.

A 2 seater Cessna crashed in an Irish graveyard - the police say there were no survivors and so far they have recovered 114 bodies ....