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Author Topic: Caution - silly joke, do not open!  (Read 1404 times)

Offline Andy7

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Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« on: October 09, 2017, 21:08:39 »
Why do Norwegian warships all have barcodes on the side of them?

So that when they come into port they can Scandinavian.

 :whistling:
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YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/AndySevern7

Offline Reman

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2017, 21:39:35 »
Jesus, I almost want to hit "Like" on that joke, Just so I can "Unlike" it straight away afterwards !  :laugh:

Mind you, If we';re doing bad jokes.........

"The wife suggested we try a little doctors and nurses role play in the bedroom last night....... All was going great until I diagnosed her as being clinically obese".
I need a pay rise........ Though I'd settle for a reduction in the amount of hours I need to work to get the same money.

Offline hoverfly

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2017, 08:58:37 »
When they called you a "wit" they were half right.. :laugh:
Reptile folder , alien 500 , F/ Shark Attitudes,
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Massive over draught.....

Offline Reman

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2017, 22:32:58 »
I broke up with my girlfriend when I found out she used to walk the streets and f*ck people for money.

I could never forgive her for being a traffic warden !
I need a pay rise........ Though I'd settle for a reduction in the amount of hours I need to work to get the same money.

Offline Icefever

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2017, 05:24:37 »
Ok if we're getting silly what about. ....

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?

He won the "no-bell" prize! :whistling:
With all the beautiful things in the world,  only man could invent boredom.

Offline DarrellW

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2017, 06:09:28 »
What's the difference between NO from a woman and NO from a bloke???












Well when it's about SEX
No from a woman means definitely NOT
From a bloke it means maybe........ Oh go on then ::)
I think..........I think I am........therefore I am.............I think!

Offline Reman

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2017, 06:15:52 »
I've bought a second hand ladder that was once owned by Chris Barrie's next door neighbor's old window cleaner........ which apparently means I am now eligible to be a contestant on next years I'm a celebrity !
« Last Edit: November 19, 2017, 07:54:34 by Reman »
I need a pay rise........ Though I'd settle for a reduction in the amount of hours I need to work to get the same money.

Offline Reman

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2017, 06:44:05 »
I got pulled over by a female police officer. When I rolled down my window and asked what was wrong, she took a deep breath, sighed at me and said "NOTHING!".
I need a pay rise........ Though I'd settle for a reduction in the amount of hours I need to work to get the same money.

Offline Reman

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #8 on: November 19, 2017, 07:52:07 »
As a pilot it's always important to keep your passengers from panicking.
So, When asked "If both the engines fail, how far can this plane go?" It turns out that an appropriate answer isn't "I'm not sure, I suppose some of it might make 5 feet into the ground !" .
« Last Edit: March 03, 2018, 22:25:31 by Reman »
I need a pay rise........ Though I'd settle for a reduction in the amount of hours I need to work to get the same money.

Offline hoverfly

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #9 on: November 19, 2017, 14:58:51 »


A woman walks past a building site and one of the workers leans out a window and gives her a wolf whistle.
later  in a local café the bloke is having lunch when the woman approaches him and asks, are you the bloke who whistled at me?  Yes darlin he replies I'm a sparky and if you ever need you tits pat tested I'm your man.
 The woman looks at him and says that's good ,perhaps I can help sort you out one day,she then gives him her business card  and walks out.
On returning to site looking puzzled one of his mates asks what's the matter, the sparky explains what had happened and says he doesn't understand, and hand the card to his mate  who bursts out laughing..
On the card is the woman's name and her qualification.
Gynaecologist!!!
Reptile folder , alien 500 , F/ Shark Attitudes,
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Massive over draught.....

Offline Reman

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #10 on: November 24, 2017, 07:36:54 »
How do you milk sheep?

Release another iPhone.
I need a pay rise........ Though I'd settle for a reduction in the amount of hours I need to work to get the same money.

Offline LuMan

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #11 on: December 15, 2017, 22:12:53 »
So.... another Bad Jokes Thread.... Here goes...

Hear about the woman who though she was going to give birth to a drone?

Turned out to be a phantom pregnancy....

Yep, I know... I'm getting my coat..
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Offline Reman

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #12 on: March 03, 2018, 22:22:04 »
The mother in law's in a mood with me again.
It's her own fault though. If she didn't want me to compliment her she shouldn't maintain such a well groomed mustache !
I need a pay rise........ Though I'd settle for a reduction in the amount of hours I need to work to get the same money.

Offline Reman

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #13 on: March 05, 2018, 14:12:45 »
You know, if you replace the word wand with penis, spell with oral, and magic with cum, then the Harry Potter books tell a very different story.  :blink
 :laugh:
I need a pay rise........ Though I'd settle for a reduction in the amount of hours I need to work to get the same money.

Offline Reman

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #14 on: March 06, 2018, 05:56:42 »
In an attempt to save our failing marriage the wife asked if there was anything I wanted to try in the bedroom to put the spark back into our relationship? So I told her that "I've always wanted to film you having sex with another man".

OK, I have to admit that this has never actually been a fetish of mine, But the footage came in really handy to prove infidelity in the divorce court.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2018, 06:08:53 by Reman »
I need a pay rise........ Though I'd settle for a reduction in the amount of hours I need to work to get the same money.

Offline MKPSG12

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Re: Caution - silly joke, do not open!
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2018, 12:53:37 »
Did you hear about the ice-cream man found dead on the floor of his van, covered in chopped nuts, sprinkles and strawberry sauce?

Apparently he'd topped himself!