• #1 by Andy7 on 09 Oct 2017
  • Why do Norwegian warships all have barcodes on the side of them?

    So that when they come into port they can Scandinavian.

  • #2 by Reman on 09 Oct 2017
  • Jesus, I almost want to hit "Like" on that joke, Just so I can "Unlike" it straight away afterwards !  :laugh:

    Mind you, If we';re doing bad jokes.........

    "The wife suggested we try a little doctors and nurses role play in the bedroom last night....... All was going great until I diagnosed her as being clinically obese".
  • #3 by hoverfly on 10 Oct 2017
  • When they called you a "wit" they were half right.. :laugh:
  • #4 by Reman on 11 Oct 2017
  • I broke up with my girlfriend when I found out she used to walk the streets and f*ck people for money.

    I could never forgive her for being a traffic warden !
  • #5 by Icefever on 19 Nov 2017
  • Ok if we're getting silly what about. ....

    Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?

    He won the "no-bell" prize! :whistling:
  • #6 by DarrellW on 19 Nov 2017
  • What's the difference between NO from a woman and NO from a bloke???

    Well when it's about SEX
    No from a woman means definitely NOT
    From a bloke it means maybe........ Oh go on then ::)
  • #7 by Reman on 19 Nov 2017
  • I've bought a second hand ladder that was once owned by Chris Barrie's next door neighbor's old window cleaner........ which apparently means I am now eligible to be a contestant on next years I'm a celebrity !
  • #8 by Reman on 19 Nov 2017
  • I got pulled over by a female police officer. When I rolled down my window and asked what was wrong, she took a deep breath, sighed at me and said "NOTHING!".
  • #9 by Reman on 19 Nov 2017
  • As a pilot it's always important to keep your passengers from panicking.
    So, When asked "If both the engines fail, how far can this plane go?" It turns out that an appropriate answer isn't "I'm not sure, I suppose some of it might make 5 feet into the ground !" .
  • #10 by hoverfly on 19 Nov 2017

  • A woman walks past a building site and one of the workers leans out a window and gives her a wolf whistle.
    later  in a local cafĂ© the bloke is having lunch when the woman approaches him and asks, are you the bloke who whistled at me?  Yes darlin he replies I'm a sparky and if you ever need you tits pat tested I'm your man.
     The woman looks at him and says that's good ,perhaps I can help sort you out one day,she then gives him her business card  and walks out.
    On returning to site looking puzzled one of his mates asks what's the matter, the sparky explains what had happened and says he doesn't understand, and hand the card to his mate  who bursts out laughing..
    On the card is the woman's name and her qualification.
  • #11 by Reman on 24 Nov 2017
  • How do you milk sheep?

    Release another iPhone.
  • #12 by LuMan on 15 Dec 2017
  • So.... another Bad Jokes Thread.... Here goes...

    Hear about the woman who though she was going to give birth to a drone?

    Turned out to be a phantom pregnancy....

    Yep, I know... I'm getting my coat..
  • #13 by Reman on 03 Mar 2018
  • The mother in law's in a mood with me again.
    It's her own fault though. If she didn't want me to compliment her she shouldn't maintain such a well groomed mustache !
  • #14 by Reman on 05 Mar 2018
  • You know, if you replace the word wand with penis, spell with oral, and magic with cum, then the Harry Potter books tell a very different story.  :blink
  • #15 by Reman on 06 Mar 2018
  • In an attempt to save our failing marriage the wife asked if there was anything I wanted to try in the bedroom to put the spark back into our relationship? So I told her that "I've always wanted to film you having sex with another man".

    OK, I have to admit that this has never actually been a fetish of mine, But the footage came in really handy to prove infidelity in the divorce court.
  • #16 by MKPSG12 on 06 Mar 2018
  • Did you hear about the ice-cream man found dead on the floor of his van, covered in chopped nuts, sprinkles and strawberry sauce?

    Apparently he'd topped himself!